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  • April 6th, 2018


If you can find a four sided coin, it will have tails on all four faces. If you call heads to win you invariably will lose because all four tails are losers. Think of those four faces as representing possibly the four most odious women in the public eye today. In no particular order (since there is nothing about them that is orderly) they are Roseanne Barr, Kellyanne Conway, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, and Laura Ingraham.

I am reluctant to criticize women because I find women overwhelmingly superior to men in virtually every aspect of life. They are more intelligent, more compassionate, more creative, and more admirable as examples of the human species. As a generality, it is women who teach the young, and women as mothers who guide their children into life. And, generally again, they do a pretty damn good job of it.

It is man, as the self-styled dominant gender, who overwhelmingly creates chaos, death, destruction, and pretty much all the woes that beset the world we’re stuck with. But even among women you run into the occasional one who has the overall charm of a defective septic system. However, that damn snake in the Garden of Eden almost certainly was a male serpent. After 250 years, we still are waiting for the first woman president of the United States. Women still don’t get paid as much as men for doing the same job— only better.

So, while I am reluctant to drop the hammer on any woman, there comes occasionally one who defies the reality and who should have been born a man so she could flourish as an example of incompetence and obnoxiousness

Such a one is Roseanne Barr who has the dubious distinction of having been insufferable not once but twice— the first time with her original television series, the second time with the current reboot. A fawning devotee of Donald J Trump the pretend president of the country, she is the living definition of not just annoying, but downright disgusting.

One time I was riding my bicycle home from work, peacefully peddling along, when a woman in a passing car spit at me. She was holding a baby in her flabby arms. This woman represented the Roseanne Barr school of charm. She epitomized the blowsy spitefulness that is the Barr trademark. Why? I posed no threat either to her or her baby. She just wanted to be nasty for the sake of being nasty. And I was obviously one of those hippie, liberal, commies so despised by the extreme right. I couldn’t see the guy in the car with her but assuming it was her husband and again assuming someone would be stupid enough to marry a woman like that it must have been like living with a bear newly emerging from hibernation plagued by an impacted fecal plug.

If there is any incident that epitomizes the sorry state of the union today it is that Trump took time out from his overwhelmingly busy schedule to tweet praise for Barr’s high ratings on her debut reboot. Yes, Middle East in crisis, China, North Korea, and virtually the entire world seething with Trump created turmoil, our so-called president found it imperative to praise Roseanne Barr for her rating success. It’s good to know Trump has a handle on what really counts in today’s society. Or what counts for him. In Trump world you get high ratings by being outrageous, by saying stupid, hateful things, by being the fomenting leader of a lynch mob. That’s not leadership; it is demagoguery and it was despicable when Hitler did it and it is despicable today, whether it is Donald Trump or Roseanne Barr who does it.

Consider Barr, a the so-called exemplar of working class normality. If she represents the typical hard working blue collar mother, we are doomed. This is a woman that couldn’t even sing the Star-Spangled Banner without screwing it up deliberately grabbing her crotch and spitting. She called Muslims Nazis and once, dressed as Hitler and simulated oven-baking cookies shaped like little people. That’s our laugh a minute Rosie.

Enough of Roseanne Barr. Like Ex-Lax a little goes a long way. Let us turn to Laura Ingraham, star of radio and Fox News. She turned her often noxious media guns on David Hogg, a high school senior and a survivor of the Parkland high school shooting in Florida which left 17 of his classmates dead.

Hogg, incredibly articulate for any age, has been a spokesman for the young people of America in a crusade to get sensible gun laws. Ingraham felt it imperative to mock Hogg because he had been turned down by four colleges (a fact which he admitted without regret) and accuse him of whining about it. Hogg, in response, suggested that people boycott Ingraham’s sponsors and he helpfully listed them. As a result at least 18 of her money sources immediately dried up and one would hope the rest would follow. The ball being back in her court, Abraham announced that she would be going on vacation which somehow seems like a surprised rat scurrying for cover.

Bill O’Reilly who competes with Rush Limbaugh in a lumbering race toward first place for Slimeball of the Year, took a similar quick vacation after it came to light that he had settled harassment allegations from five women for at least $13 million. He was fired and one can only hope that Ingraham follows him quickly out the door into obscurity, although so far Fox News is sticking by their bimbo in residence.

Ingraham arguably is the most intelligent and articulate of the quartet of unlikable ladies and often gets grudging respect, even from the liberal side of the media. Once, having no idea who Laura Ingraham was, I stumbled into her radio show and listened with mounting outrage as she trashed listener after listener for whining about the troubles they had called about for her advice. Mostly, she seemed to mock them for whining, and berated them for not getting over their, what to her, were petty troubles. She got no grudging respect from this liberal— I quickly switched to another station.

When Lebron James, the world’s best basketball player, expressed a political opinion, she told him to “shut up and dribble”. Nothing racist about it of course but then how could a black basketball player possibly know anything about politics or have the right to express an opinion.

Then there is Kellyanne Conway, the wicked witch of the west wing, who isn’t as visible anymore as she once was but who still can be seen lurking in the bushes around the White House from time to time, waiting for her chance to step in and spout something really despicable. Now that Hope Hicks has fled the sinking ship of state, Kellyanne inhabits the role of resident bimbo.

In early March, Conway was accused of two Hatch act violations— the law which prohibits federal employees from endorsing specific political candidates. The candidate whom Conway was endorsing was Roy Moore, the Alabama pedophile.

Conway forever will be remembered as the person who defined lies as “alternative facts”. To which Chuck Todd replied “alternative facts are not facts. They are falsehoods.” During Donald Trump’s campaign, Conway claimed that “Trump “doesn’t hurl personal insults.” A statement that, by itself, should be enough to discredit her forever more. Both Conway and Trump created massacres that didn’t happen— Trump referring to one in Denmark that mystified, most of all, the Danes, and Conway freaked out over a massacre in Bowling Green, Kentucky, that also didn’t occur. It hurt Kellyanne that, according to her, the story didn’t get covered by that awful media. What the heck, Fox News, covers stories all the time that have no basis in fact, apparently preferring to cover stories in the fairytale world of alternative facts.

And if nothing else, Conway has furnished Saturday Night Live with a bounty of comedy material. Kate McKinnon must have squealed like a kid discovering an Easter egg when the wicked witch hove into view. When McKinnon became Pennywise the frightening clown from Stephen King’s novel “It” somehow it didn’t seem to be that much of a stretch. After all, given the frightening quality of the toxic flow of misinformation flowing from the White House every day, a Stephen King novel seems like a fuzzy children’s tale featuring cuddly bunnies.

If Funk ‘n Wagnalls ever revises their standard dictionary, under the word hypocrisy will be the definition: “Sarah Huckabee Sanders, a living ventriloquist dummy created for the purpose of echoing any ludicrous statement made by the disgraced 45th president of the United States, whatever his name was.”

Sanders daily boggles the collective mind of the White House press corps when she stands at the spokesperson’s rostrum and dribbles preposterous, purporting to be real (as opposed to fake) news. It boggles the mind, not to mention overloading the believability synapses of any analytical mind, how this aggressively religious person can so transcend the limits of Christian morality, so aggressively defend the most unChristian president in the history of the country, and apparently sleep at night and then get up and do the same thing all over again.

Any normal person, faced with the same job situation, should be sleeping on a pillow soggy with tears of shame. Sometimes I think I see fleeting expressions of inner turmoil on Sander’s face, although that’s probably wishful thinking. Anyone with a morsel of morality would not have taken the job in the first place. She is merely the latest in a procession of circus clowns exiting a jampacked Volkswagen Beetle. And they said the circus was dead.

She became the White House Press Secretary when Sean Spicer faded into the bushes. She has been politically involved almost since birth, with her father Mike Huckabee, the former governor of Arkansas. In a situation rife with irony, both Huckabees hail from Hope, Arkansas, which also happens to be the home town of Bill Clinton, also a former governor of Arkansas (and also a former president of the United States whose wife ran against Sarah Sander’s current boss). You don’t have to be a student of history to have become aware of the many tensions between the Clinton and Huckabee families. If ever there was a political Hatfields and McCoys feud, it would be between these two families— the only difference possibly is that no bullets have yet been exchanged.

If Sanders has a favorite phrase uttered from the podium it is, “We’ll have to get back to you on that.” But anyone holding his or her breath, is likely to die of asphyxia before that happens. Presumably, she shares the views of her father who, when he was unsuccessfully running for president equated environmentalists with pornographers and homosexuality with pedophilia and necrophilia. He also has said that anyone without Christian faith poses a direct and immediate threat to the nation. Pretty grim view of anyone who is not like him.

To paraphrase Shakespeare and a number of references in the Bible, the sins of the father tend to follow the children. The Bard and the Bible refer to sons, not daughters, so maybe Sanders gets a pass. Mike Huckabee took campaign contributions from R.J. Reynolds tobacco company, and was accused of pressuring a parole panel to release confessed and convicted rapist Wayne Dumond, who, after release, moved to my home state of Missouri and raped and killed at least one woman and possibly two and later died in prison.

I admit it’s not fair to blame the child for the sins of the father (although there is a long list of ethical and other questionable actions Huckabee took while he was governor and as a candidate for various offices), still you have to question the character of a person who associates herself— either by birth or by choice— with men who don’t exactly stand out as role models.

The bottom line for me is how in the hell can Sarah Huckabee Sanders stand in front of the world and echo the outrageous lies that spew daily from the mouth of Donald J Trump? One can only hope that someday that echo will come back to haunt her. If it were a soap opera she and daddy and Bill Clinton would go somewhere Hopeful and live unhappily forevermore.

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